he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
