Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
