I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
