I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
