In the future we'll all be gay
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
