She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
