Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Randomize
