Your face is a jimmy john
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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