I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
