i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
