i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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