saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Randomize
