Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
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