I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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