he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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