fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Randomize
