There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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