god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
