I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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