I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
