Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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