you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
