just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
