I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
