I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Couch. On fire.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
