Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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