while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
