I molested 6 butterflies tonight
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
