I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
