quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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