You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
