Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
