Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
