she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
