Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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