I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
