I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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