i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
