Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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