PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
