i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
