I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
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