I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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