absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
