I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
These 19 Ladies Love Pegging Their Men
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos