Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny