dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?