Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...