she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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