The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
