i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Randomize
