what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
