I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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