fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
