so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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