my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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