I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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