dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
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