you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Randomize
