so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
