o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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