thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
