Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
You need a sexual gate keeper
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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