My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
