This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
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