i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
