Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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