also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
