She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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