Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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