I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Randomize
