just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
and you fell through a lawn chair
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
