why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
You dont lie about slip and slides
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
