dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
