we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Randomize
