The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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